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Tears of Men

by Dev Avidon

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Also includes a PDF with the liner notes and lyrics. You can also stream the album for free in its entirety right here, as well as on MOG or Spotify.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $9.99 USD

     

  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    For those who prefer physical media, this is the official Tears of Men Redbook CD release. Comes in a standard jewel case, with digital printing and glass-master replicated CD. Ships via USPS media mail in a padded envelope.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Tears of Men via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days
    Purchasable with gift card

      $15 USD

     

  • USB Flash Drive + Digital Album

    This is an extremely limited edition USB key edition of Tears of Men. Each hand wood-burned, wearable 2gb drive is made from reclaimed pine and rope lanyard, and each drive is unique. On it, you'll find the original HD studio masters in their native 24/96 sample rate, the highest possible quality VBR MP3 transcodes of the master CD, lyrics, the original artwork and charts, and a short note from me with some thoughts about the album and how to best take advantage of the high definition FLAC files on the drive.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Tears of Men via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 2 days
    edition of 500 
    Purchasable with gift card

      $20 USD

     

  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    This is an extremely limited edition 2 LP set of Tears of Men in 180 gram audiophile Vinyl, replete with custom artwork. There are 250 in Black and 250 in Blue Colorlight (please specify which you'd prefer in your order). The black sounds slightly better, however, I may at some point repress in Black if there is demand, whereas the 250 in blue are the only ones that will ever exist. Of course, you'll also get a free digital copy of the album along with your purchase, but frankly, the Vinyl sounds infinitely better than the digital could ever dream to.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Tears of Men via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 2 days
    edition of 500 
    Purchasable with gift card

      $30 USD

     

1.
Dear highway Nine It's been a long time How are you? Made one mistake But I'm back to retake What is mine So sunshine make a little space I'm back to my old face I'm doing fine My mind is clear And now that I'm here We shall begin anew You can repay your dues in kind I'm not the only one Lost under the sun Still looking for truth Still looking confused It's only a name You can call it a game But I know how to lose Much better than you Step back a pace The penultimate race Is starting soon By 63rd and Lex Our re-anointed hex Under a crescent moon We'll pen a nobler tune We'll cry again... Cassandra would be proud of us as men But it just doesn't feel right The dawn and the light Don't wash out the pain It isn't the same The palms of our hands Keep bleeding in sand The dusk risen heart The sun has gone dark So keep checking your step Feint hard to the night One choice left at hand To Stand or to Die... So tired and undone We cannot know what we've begun Until tomorrow There is no promised land No hidden course or soft command No strength to borrow What if all we've created is more sorrow?
2.
Wake up Stare into the mirror and I wish you were there instead I’m a disgrace Can’t imagine how anyone looks at my face This pain I’ll never erase And still I die each time you walk on by Each time you pass by my side This futile sorrow I hide when I Have to stand and watch him leave you to cry What will it take till you realize You are perfect in my eyes Please wait I know you’ll never love me But perhaps you might seal my fate Tell me When you have to look at me What do you see? And could I ever be One worth a thought inside the dreams of your day What could I ever say That might pretend to convey What I would sacrifice elated to be briefly the one you adore But I’m not the one you’re looking for No I'm not the one you're looking for You would be Lady Serenity If you were mine to call Anything at all I’d wait but it’s apparent I’m much too late I know If you could have cared for me You finally would have been loved But I’m not the man that you dream of No I’m not the man that you dream of…
3.
They're coming to get me Been running on empty since Kalamazoo Feel like I'm stuck in a beerless pub But for now it's just gonna have to do Your search for a bargain mate Has brought you to the lost and found The man standing by the gate Is ready to bring the prices down You're ready for love in the fountain Foot speed down on the ground (x2) You're making a big mistake That's what they all keep saying to me But I tend to set them straight Ain't usually much for subtlety Somewhere south of Houston street You're trading up for a better piece But baby the real elite Ain't hardly the kind you wanna to fleece You better get straight to the point girl The shots just ain't gonna cease You better get straight to the point Chiquita The shots just ain't gonna cease Release Let go Don't ask Don't know (x3) You'll find In time It's better to be blind You think that with pocket queens You ought to feel free to make demands But honey we all can see You're trying to bluff out a losing hand I'm sure that your smile has saved you Let you command weaker men But here in the den of the lions We don't have much to pretend We all would die for our brethren What have you got to defend?
4.
Heaven's Not Enough (free) 04:58
Heaven's not enough If when you get there Just another blue... And heaven's not enough You think you've found it And it loses you You've thought of all there is But not enough And it loses you in a cloud There most everything is nothing That it seems Where you see the things you only want to see I'd fly away To a higher plane To say words I resist To float away Decide To re-forget And heaven's not enough If when I'm there I don't remember you And heaven does enough You think you know it And it uses you I saw so many things But like a dream Always losing me in a cloud Cause I couldn't cry Cause I turned away Couldn't see the score Didn't know the pain Of leaving yesterday really far behind In another life In another dream By a different name Gave it all away For a memory And a quiet life And I felt the face Of a cold tonight Still don't know the score But I know the pain Of leaving everything really far behind And if I could cry And if I could live what truth I did then take me there Heaven goodbye
5.
It’s not a good time I’ve got a lot on my mind And I just feel like going home It’s all I can say To keep you away And keep my phantom world condoned There’s a part of me that wants to be On the good side of the analogy But I don’t have the right to throw in one more fight And say that you’re just being cold I’m getting old This sadness is familiar And my first romantic impulse is to fold Nobody told me What I’d have to cover Or my future in another dying soul I’m getting old That night in November Is all I remember when She asks me who you are She already knows And so she supposes That you simply broke my heart I would be polite if she were right And at least I’d take her out tonight But I don’t care to stand before the promised land Pretending I should feel consoled I’m getting old My pride is just a memory And this emptiness is all I have to show I could behold A thousand brilliant colors And not recognize the pallor of my own I’m getting old The mystery in what you see Is right before your eyes It’s hardly a surprise that I’m alone Apologies aren’t new to me So don’t pretend I’m owed I know exactly why you have to go You’ll see me quite often It’s usually the common tale That’s never really told I’m getting old I’m tired of running backwards But I just can’t find a forward way to go My life unfolds One cross after the other But I don’t know how to play another role ‘Cause I’m getting old
6.
In a garden now empty I met an old friend Her name now eludes me But surely I couldn't comprehend Her contention Those days were too strange There's hardly a moment I linger on any kind of change The moonlight is wistful It shines through the trees This warm summer city Is only as pensive as the Breeze that consumes me This calm time of year The night that is promised Is surely the sum of separate fears Don't wait Just make your next mistake Embrace the coming fall It's all that matters Take the world withal You're searching for an answer You've already found Just take some time out It will come around Your status is whispered Through every stare There's something I've missed here But nothing prepared me for the End that was destined Beyond softer dreams The daylight won't question The dawn of a quiet malady It's time Now let your thoughts incline To watch your mind unfurl You'll soon see better The conceit within this world You can't quite mount a defense For what you don't regret Such scant forgiveness But so easy to forget Soon You'll see this autumn moon And long for its concessions Fight to one more draw with your Regressions Stammer some confession And live by what you'd die for No one has the right to ask for more The tacit connection Lies silent in space Your cadre of angels Is running on vapors And your bloodline is weary Your friends aren't there If you once had a lover You've long since forgotten if she cared...
7.
I've never been much for one night conversations I don't have the heart to pretend I love what I can't know But I've been living the life of a million altercations And I'm tired enough to believe you if you tell me so You're probably mine for at best a few more hours You probably won't think twice when it's “so long, good show” I can't say that I didn't get the implications I know that I'm breaking the rules, but baby please don't go Time keeps passing me by I don't know why I'm still alone For all I've tried I've never managed to be known And though you've told me This is all we can be I still can't see why that has to be so So please don't go Please don't go It's not that I don't understand the limitations I know you were perfectly clear on where it had to stay And yet we're still locked in dejected hesitation 'Cause somewhere you're starting to realize that your heart's in disarray It can't possibly be That that emotion was just me I know you felt What we've both been living without If it was just despair Or else the summertime air Then why would I be driven to you so? So please don't go Please don't go We could take a train to New Orleans Hit up Pat O's and Sweet Lorraine's Live out this fantasy for one more night Cause sometimes The parts of life you want to change Just aren't something you arrange If you're not as lonely when you hold me tight Then why can't you convince yourself it's right? One lost tear runs your face For this ephemeral embrace I still can't tell Why we're abandoning ourselves Why can't we try To make our beautiful lie Survive just long enough to become so? Oh please don't go Please don't go Please don't go Please don't go...
8.
Night is falling on the plains of Kinai Stars our suns in this courtesan space Sakura’s singing with the voice of Asia Japanese winds and Japanese grace Sun sets slowly on a distant skyline Acetylene fire shows its natural place Sakura’s ballad is a peaceful pleasure You’d almost believe her by the look on her face But I close my eyes and the bridges disappear Spring's blossoms fade and fly away And the skies are strangely clear A lifetime’s violent dreams I can finally let free To die in the lowlands of Osaka Cold Korean winter in my veins These glassy eyes and powdery skies That propagate their azure skeins Cold Korean emptiness and pain Cold Korean lover by my side Revels in her continence And shudders at the warmth she hides Cold Korean ignorance and pride Falters as our final memory dies But don’t abandon what you realize Or pray too solemnly These scars that mar my face prove that I can fight Tomorrow’s enemy Levies her advantage as she strikes The day is hers but Godly irony leaves me here alive To die another time And I close my eyes as the battlefield appears The bitter day sinks into me and my blood runs through my tears Between the screech of the tires And the sparks on the wires I’m dead in memory of Sakura Barely the morning and I open the window Ashen horizon that emblazons my face Tomorrow will promise to be carefree and generous If I am alive at the end of today The honor is mine to be riding out broken pastimes The hour awaits but I’m still running things through my mind We stand at our trials and we live as our fate compels us The sun will ascend and my existence will lack design Unravel and unwind Autumn leaves Transfixed in oranges and reds Belie these trees And signify a dying breed This autumn breeze Is cold enough to leave you with The certainty That all you’ll ever beg or borrow Is some other brand of sorrow Honor is your only pleasant dream Elaine, what do you have to tell me? Is the rain still falling in South London? Goodbye… I won’t be made to say it one more time! I reckon that you’ll understand tomorrow Don’t ask; you know that I won’t answer I have no more assets left to sell It’s easy Lena, just forget you knew me And employ a higher class of clientèle The dying days of summer I offer to my brother Although I haven’t much to say I’ve done But God remains to guide me And three still stand beside me Their loyalty is all that I have won And now we stand before the plains of Kinai Four lost souls in an alien dream Sakura tells me that the stars are lonely And so she’ll sing if she can offer them peace So I close my eyes and abandon my lament This cloudless night is all too bright So I’ll see it to its end The dark is quieter now that I understand how To live in the lowlands of Osaka
9.
She’s lies across my chest and I’m draped round her shoulders So fine as she reclines that I can’t help but stare She sighs as she replies “If only you were older... If only we had met somewhere other than here” The ’95 Latour that I had planned on saving Is all but lost on her but lets her know I care The comfort of the moment softens her composure She hesitates at all she’s terrified to share ‘Cause behind her Resignation’s shield and lance She likes this childlike romance The dreams she casts aside as dead I kindle in her stead Despite how hard she tries I see the thoughts she’s hiding She lies when she denies that hoping brings her fear She emphasizes just how much she hates performing But I can hear the music taunting her despair ‘Cause she once said “I don’t need a wealthy man As long as I can play again So save the diamonds, save the brass A Steinway’s all I ask” My lonesome pianist’s A realist For all she’s seen and done I’ll call her actions perfectly And she’ll just carry on I credit her indifference To a hold a steady countenance But I know I can love her till she cries And yet for everything she’s held inside A decade’s worth of alibis This ruse is all that fortifies her life ‘Cause she told me “Even if you really are The man who should have won my heart No matter what you say or do I don’t know how to be with you It’s not the way it should have been But I’ve already given in And so for all I wish you’d stay Goodbye’s all I can say...”
10.
Lady Chaos 04:45
Debbie Don’t look at me The sky’s getting bright from the way your figure lights up the night Debbie, your imagery Is holding me fast I can feel a little conscious at last What’s true is just a concept determined by you You turn and my foundations begin to burn Debbie, you’re killing me I’m locked in your gaze and you tell me that we’ve been here for days Am I still standing Lord? What have I done that you should bring upon me this one? Walk me through your avenues Another design, all these fragments that you somehow align I race through endless space The order I find lets me know that you constructed this place You spin And now the orbits are locking in So clear that only you could command this sphere Debbie, this fantasy Is only a dream but you tell me it’s whatever it seems Am I a good man Lord? How could I deserve to be privy to thoughts of hers? These days a man prays for wealth and success And the power to be the Best of his colleagues His status is prime But I’m praying for her time Debbie, subconsciously I love this relief though it promises me nothing but grief I see your apathy And promise to try nothing more than you desire of me I know why you would favor to walk alone Your days don’t run their course in a human way Some stars are heaven’s scars The offspring of Lady Chaos Are tears that defy your heart We were broken from the start
11.
It's been a predictably quiet flight And I'm counting the beat of the landing lights I'll be back in New York in an hour or so I won't bother to ask what I already know The water still standing from last week's rain Is starting to freeze on the window panes There's a patch of the framework still holding out Like it's trying to fashion hope out of doubt Tell me What am I supposed to say? Should I just have assumed it would end this way? Should I take it as a tacit grace That I'm back to inhabiting empty space I'd like to pretend that a car alarm Is what's keeping me up reading Vagabond And rechecking my watch at each chapter's end To see whether it's worth trying to sleep again I grope for a way to preempt this hell But I'm watching the pattern repeat itself And no matter the tactic I try to use I know just where this torment is leading to I'll break down Lash out at the friends that are still around And spend down the last of the goodwill That I haven't already run through It's too late To plan for The Great Escape I wouldn't know where to go anyway The time or the date is of small import My life is already a poor retort A mitate-e of sorts to forsaken dreams Long since dead in the wake of the world they had seen
12.
Can't you see? We've crafted a perfect tautology We'll scare up a victory face To cap this improbable race Suddenly We're living the life that we ought to be We don't even have to keep score We can't really fight anymore Could it be That we have finally arrived? Do you think that we made it on time? I suppose it's ok if there's still a song to play Do you think they're all waiting for you? Do we even have half a clue Of what we're supposed to do? But it's alright I know that it's been a long fight I'm an older man It was hardly a high school romance In the end I wish we'd been better friends I miss you Catherine It's quite a sight To see you awash in the limelight Your eyes have a tenebrous haze A subtly resigned kind of glaze I hope you're right You look so abandoned tonight I don't even know how to answer What will change if I say I was afraid it would end this way? The world is entirely too small You won't ever escape it all Eventually the act's got to fall But it's alright I barely remember the last fight I'm an older man And I'm not even sure that I knew you By the end We should have been better friends I miss you Catherine Quiet night The very last leg of a long flight I'll be home soon I'll leave the rationalizing all to you Just let it be You wouldn't do well to see me I'm scarcely the man that you knew But I still can remember a younger you... And it's alright It's not worth beginning a new fight I'm an older man It's enough just to think that you're happy With the end I can't make us better friends I miss you Catherine

about

Tears of Men is my sophomore effort. I began composing the material for this album nearly six years ago, and I recorded the basic tracks the April before last. These last two years have largely been spent tweaking, editing, adding, overdubbing and massaging it into what it is now. There are literally dozens of artists, hundreds of parts and thousands of takes that have gone into this project, and I have learned so much from the people who've helped me realize it. I am especially indebted to my producer Patrick Derivaz, who's patience and mentorship are the reason this album exists as it does today. The bulk of my audio engineering capacity is a direct result of my following his lead and learning from his mastery throughout the course of mixing, editing and recording it.

Tears of Men is a densely arranged, complex work. I've heard it compared to everything from The Royal Scam to Dark Side of the Moon. It will likely not be your first choice for the gym or the dance floor, but it will take full advantage of high fidelity systems (especially in its native 24/96), and it will reward you for multiple listenings. As someone very close to me put it, “it's the kind of music you use to sit down and make a night out of listening to.” In every conceivable way, this is simply a superior album to my first. Once again, Oz Noy's improvisation is brilliant, and his solos are truly breathtaking. The album is worth listening to for them alone. And once again, I am incredibly blessed to have been aided by so many more capable musicians than myself. But the composition itself is far more nuanced and intricate, the lyricism is more mature, and my vocal performances are much improved. Above all else, I have finished this project a better musician, a better engineer, a better writer and a better person than when I started. With any luck I will be blessed enough to say the same after my next album comes to a close. For now, I hope that Tears of Men may move you in some meaningful way, and visit a harmonious note on your life. Making it has certainly been the highlight of mine.

On a final note, Track 4, "Heaven's Not Enough," is freely available for download in CD FLAC from my website (wirespokewheels.com/music/dev). This track is a cover of a song from Yoko Kanno's soundtrack to "Wolf's Rain," an inspiring, brilliant piece of anime with an unbelievable soundtrack that I highly encourage exploring further. This track is licensed under Creative Commons (Attribution Non-Commercial Share-Alike), and you're more than welcome to download and disseminate it.

credits

released February 7, 2012

Dev Avidon: lead and backing vocals
Roy Assaf: piano
Oz Noy: electric guitar, acoustic guitar and mandolin (track 8)
Mark Egan: electric bass guitar
Karl Latham: drums and percussion (except track 12)
Ben Rosenblum: keyboards, Hammond organ (track 4), Fender Rhodes (track 7) and accordion (track 8)
Rubin Khodeli: cello
Jesse Mills: violin
Patrick Derivaz: acoustic bass guitar (track 5) and upright bass (tracks 11 and 12)
Keve Wilson: oboe (track 2) and English horn (track 9)
Ofer Assaf: alto saxophone (track 3) and soprano saxophone (track 4)
Dave Hopkins: clarinet (tracks 4 and 12)
Jake Goldbas: drums (track 12)
Megan Okura: erhu (track 8)
Marco Lienhard: shakuhachi (track 8)
Michael Dease: flugelhorn (track 10)
Wayne Tucker: trumpet (track 10)
Dru Munsell: backing vocals (track 9)
Wolf Pack: backing vocals (track 8)

Music and Lyrics by Dev Avidon, except
"Heaven's Not Enough," Music by Yoko Kanno, Lyrics by Tim Jensen

Steven Rosenblum: executive producer
Monique Witt: executive producer
Patrick Derivaz: lead producer, engineer
Dev Avidon: producer, engineer

Recorded at Bennett Studios (thanks for the memories)
Mastered at Firebird Studios
Art and Graphics by Instability in the Program
Photography by Lori Laitman and Dru Munsell

license

Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

tags

about

Dev Avidon Brooklyn, New York

I am a composer, a writer, a singer and an engineer.
I create jazz and rock and a child of both.
I create music with my brother as Wire Spoke Wheels.
I create Dave's Cables
I create complex and intricate things.
I try to create beautiful things.
I create because Art sanctifies humanity.
I create for an American meritocracy.
I create for a time when art may live again.
... more

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